I recently lost an important person in my life, my Grandpa Ray. He had a poor quality of life for a number of years before his passing, and it was difficult to watch him like this. I remember him being a very strong and hardworking man. He was extremely faithful, and had a childlike sense of humor. He was overall a great man. One thing that I admired the most about him, was the love that he had for my Grandma Alice. It was a love like you see in the movies. Something that gives you the warm fuzzies inside thinking about.
The loss was difficult for me and my family, even though we know in our hearts that he is in a much better place. The days leading up to his death, I barely ate or slept. It made me realize that grief can impact us not only through sadness, but it can impact our self-care. Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone has their right to grieve how they need to. I am not here to tell you that there is a right or wrong way to grieve. I want to share a more hopeful way of grieving with you that I have found in these last couple of weeks, to encourage you through a tough time. I am not here to judge what you do. You do what feels right to you.
If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like sleeping, then sleep. If you feel like eating a whole thing of Oreos or nothing at all, feel free. But, please make the slip from your routine of life brief. The longer you allow your body without food or sleep, the worse off for you. When someone asks you how they can help, let them know. They want to be there for you. If you prefer to be alone, that’s okay too. Just make sure that it doesn’t negatively affect you. We are human, and need personal connection and comfort too. It’s okay to take some time away from self-care, but we cannot fix our brokenness by not taking care of ourselves. It’s a time to get back to the basics of care. It can be simple: eat, sleep, water, repeat. Take the time that you need, and then take small steps towards moving forward.
The loss of a loved one can be a challenging thing to work through. It can take what was a “normal” sequence of life and turn it on its’ axis. It can be gut-wrenchingly painful. My support and encouragement to those who are also dealing with a loss. It is never easy, and it can leave a piece of us missing for the rest of our lives. So, how do we get through it? How do we get back to a way of living that feels right? To be honest. It is going to take some time friend, and that is absolutely okay. There is no set of rules to this, and I pray that you never feel pressure to process this in any certain way or timeframe.
One thing that I do want to encourage, is an increase in your dependence on your faith. At times, loss can seem unfair, and this can lead to questioning the motives of our holy Father. Neither you nor I can answer these questions. The Lord works in ways our human minds cannot fathom. But his word can help us through these tough times. While reading the Bible during those days before his passing, it was as if the Lord was speaking to me through his word. I found several passages jump out to me through my reading, it was as if he was showing me what he wanted me to hear.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows”. He is a father of love and comfort and he wants us to feel this through him so that we may comfort others. I feel a big warm hug from him when I read this, and it makes me want to give big warm hugs to others.
Romans 5:3-5 says, “and not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us”. We may not understand the trials and tribulations that the Lord puts us through, but in this verse he is showing that he is molding us through these to be who we need to be. He’s got positive results in mind for everything that we may be going through.
James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him”. This verse may give us even more hope in the difficult times that we live through. It gives us a promise, that when we continue to seek him and remain steadfast in his word through life’s ups and downs that we will prevail!
His word can be comforting, but loss is still hard, and it’s okay to do what you need to process and work through it. If you need support; find a friend, therapist, or pastor to talk through it with you. You don’t have to do this alone. I find the most comfort in reading the scripture and being with my loved ones reminiscing about good times. A person’s life is something to be cherished, and have gratitude for being a part of. Having faith in an eternal life, definitely can help to know that one day we will see our loved ones again. We need only to have faith. Be strong in your faith and let your light shine!
